Ted Cruz
Ted Cruz’s “Passionate” and “Slightly NSFW” Speech About Queso Will Either Earn Your Respect or Violate You
The face Ted Cruz makes about queso. Apparently there is no in between here. In a taste test between Arkansas cheese dip and Texas queso, Ted Cruz spent 41-seconds talking about how much he loves queso… Forty one seconds that have been described on a scale from inspiring to vomit-inducing to “slightly NSFW”. Others have…
Read MoreThe Moment Ted Cruz Got Booed off Stage at the RNC for Not Endorsing Trump
How exactly did Ted Ned Flanders Cruz really imagine that would work out anyway? Flatly refusing to endorse Donald Trump throughout his entire speech, Sen. Ted Cruz got booed off the stage at the RNC after telling the crowd, “If you love our country and love your children as much as I know that you…
Read MoreGlenn Beck on Suicide Watch after Ted Cruz Drops Out of Presidential Race
People are legitimately worried about Glenn Beck’s mental status after his $500,000 golden boy Ted Cruz quit the presidential race. First, this guy is admittedly annoying, but watch Glenn Beck’s reaction after finding out Ted Cruz quit (begins at 0:11): Beck claims we’re all screwed, Hillary is going to win, and America won’t ever elect…
Read MoreThe Disastrous 2016 Election Has Triggered a Third Party Revolution
by Claire Bernish United States — While tumultuous, chaotic, contentious, outrageous, erratic, fraudulent, random, disheartening, and certainly unpredictable, could simultaneously describe this presidential election cycle, perhaps the most unanticipated development surrounds the categorical shunning of the soured, traditional duopoly — despite its previously adamantine grip on American politics. This year, constant evidence substantiates the people’s…
Read MoreDankest Memes of the 2016 Presidential Race So Far
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction… and in its typical dark satirical form, the internet’s response to the current U.S. presidential race has been nothing short of hilarious. Some of the memes floating around are almost as ridiculous as the candidates, themselves. Enjoy. Delivered by The Daily Sheeple We encourage you to share…
Read MoreWatch: Carly Fiorina Falls off the Stage Announcing Cruz as President, Heidi and Ted Just Keep on Waving
Wow. Here’s how much Ted Cruz gives a crap about his new running mate Carly Fiorina. While announcing Ted and Heidi as “our next first family,” Fiorina fell off the stage. Heidi notices, makes a motion, but then goes on smiling and waving like it didn’t happen. Ted looks down, pretends not to notice. Neither…
Read MoreWTF: Carly Fiorina Singing to Ted Cruz’s Daughters on Stage Will Give You Nightmares
Wow. Carly Fiorina just jumped the shark. Not even sure what the intention was, but this is just… scary. The comments say it all: Delivered by The Daily Sheeple We encourage you to share and republish our reports, analyses, breaking news and videos (Click for details). Contributed by Piper McGowin of The Daily Sheeple. Piper…
Read MoreOh HELL No: Ted Cruz Just Announced His VP — Establishment Puppet Carly Fiorina
“Desperately trying to gain momentum” after losing terribly in the primaries this week, news just broke that Ted Cruz is set to announce his vice presidential pick for the presidency that he supposedly can no longer attain because he’s lost so terribly in the primaries: Carly Fiorina. That’s right… the woman who bragged in the…
Read MoreWTF: Maury Guest Who Didn’t Realize She Looks Just Like Ted Cruz in Drag Gets Offered $10k for Sex Tape
You simply cannot make this stuff up. This is the world we are living in, ladies and gentlemen. Meet 21-year-old Searcy Hayes, a young woman who recently appeared on the Maury Povich show to find out the paternity of her kid. Notice anything? The Internet did. Rough night for Ted Cruz. He gets crushed in New…
Read MoreTed Cruz Just Lost His Path to the Nomination (Without a Contested Convention)
It’s official. Cruz is just holding out hope for a contested convention in an attempt to make sure Trump doesn’t get the nomination at this point. There are only 674 delegates left and Cruz is 678 short. Stick a fork in Cruz. He’s done. There’s no possible way he can get nominated now without a…
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